Meatloaf

I made meatloaf. I had to do something to actually keep myself focused on something other than the fact I cannot keep a stead and stable relationship going. I needed to do something other than cry which is all I have been doing.

It was decent meatloaf, and I hate meatloaf...Ina helped. Her food always looks so intense. This was not. They were simply mini meatloaves. It did not turn out like a meat-brick and it was not super dry but a bit juicy. The onions were a bit crunchy they could have had a bit more time to actually cook and perhaps a bit more salt. Plus there was no one to actually cook them for, so really now I have like 3 mini meatloaves and not a single soul to eat them.

I guess I am doing this because aside from just being me there really must be something wrong with me. I am not good enough. I do not have what it takes to be that perfect girlfriend that every guy out there wants. All they all have ever said to me is you make a great friend, but I just don't see a future with you. So really what else can there be other than just learning how I can cook better...Since I am on hunger strike it will a lot of food going to waste, but hey who the hell cares.(My roommate is a vegetarian).

I guess I am just giving up on me. I am giving up on love. I am just giving up. Why am I bothering anymore. What is the point. I quit smoking but really what was the point. He asks me why I couldn't have done that while we were together, well I was doing it while we were together it just takes time...it takes time and focus and help...the shitty thing is I have help from people now but it is the same as always, I thank them and it is cool...but I miss his help. I just wish I knew what was so wrong with me.

Confusion

This is where the confusion sets in. They are the waste of space. They are the pimple you keep picking at. They are the ingrown toenail. They are men.

Even the good ones are a total waste because really deep down they are not good. All of them are assholes. Women hate you because you are time wasters. Women hate men because you just have no direction as to what you are doing. When a man breaks up with a woman and says he wants "to be friends" is because he has no clue what he really wants. IT is a ploy to see how he feels in a few weeks, but really he never really loved you in the first place.

There is no emotional availability in a man because he thinks he will be seen as weak. They hide all true feeling because they have no ability to actually feel. Each and everyone of them hates themselves. They are here because of a genetic make up in order to procreate. It is so the species can exist. When they move on from your lives there is nothing left but how much time you had wasted on them. It is a matter of who the fuck cares.

Keep them at arms length and throw them away once you are done. Plus the world is over populated anyways. So really what is the point.