Dear Me,

Dear Me, Is something new I am doing. I am writing to myself, and I do not know why but I am.

SO here goes...

Dear Me,

Well you have made it a week now without talking to him. One whole week. You can keep going I think. Except all these freaky weird dreams you have. Each time you have one though you need to stop analyzing it, it is a dream and doesn't mean anything. You have them because it is what you are thinking. They are not the future and they are not what could have been. He told you himself he never loved you and he really was lying to you the whole time. So really you need to stop thinking about it. I am proud of you for talking to your friend. Obviously she was not your friend in the first place.

Katie you are really one of the only friends you have, and be true to yourself. A person who gives you the excuse "we're roommates" is not a good friend, they just want to hang out with your ex because they want the attention from a boy. (He was not a man by any means) Also if she was you're friend she would have been there for you more than she was. She would have done more for you than she was with him. It was a joke what she was doing and your intuitions were correct. Her loyalties are false and that is her business, she will have to pay for that one later.

Remember me, you have been that strong person and you need to stop hiding all of this all the time. Just keep going and letting all go. You have to let go of the resentment that you have. It is not easy though. I hate that you have this. I hate that you are doing it. There is no point to it. He is pointless and a big fat waste of space. Really and truly. Because he is wasting his time on him and did not truly see what he was doing really and truly was doing.

One day you will realize this and be all the better for it. But really who the hell cares right? It will no longer care, because in the end really nothing matters and nothing will just what you do now. Let him go on thinking he did the right thing and let him go on thinking he was right, he will never know the difference because there will never be anyone to show him different. Who knows too maybe twenty years down the road he will get his exactly what he has been dreading. Something entirely pointless and wasted his time, because he himself will never know how to be happy. His name is Johnson for goodness sakes, did you really want your last name to have the same association as a penis?

Cute

Today walking home from the game a random stranger told me I was cute. Stopped me and just had to let me know out of nowhere I was cute. It was the first time in a long time anyone besides my friends or family has told me that. He has never told me that unless I prompted him.

I laughed the KtB laugh and walked on but then I got all choked up. I haven't heard those words from a man's mouth in a very long time. It is a rather odd thing for me because I know this about myself I have never once doubted it in me, but today with my crazy curly hair and my nothing special about my clothing a man told me I was cute.

It is odd because there are all of these body issues I have always had and will always have that come and go with weight loss and gain, the small boobs and man thighs/calves. The big huge butt of the matter is (no pun intended) I know I am cute, and DAMN IT...BEAUTIFUL. My eyes are what get the men in drive thru who just are waiting for their coffee, my coy smile is what can get the conversation going, but in the end it is how I can talk to a person just right then and there to hook them. I do not have horse teeth, I do not have big ears, and I do not fake it, except when I forget who I was and am. Maybe that is what I have been doing forgetting me. I do not know what all these tests have been over the past few weeks, but maybe I have forgotten me and maybe I needed someone to who is strong enough to remind me who I am when this stuff comes up and help me thorough these times when it does happen.

I started crying because it was like a blow in the stomach, sure I get the hit on, sure I have the gay man telling my how HAWT I look all the time, and sure there are the girls who are saying "Katie you are getting really skinny." Sometimes though you need that random stranger telling you reminding you "You're cute and I thought you should know."