Meatloaf

I made meatloaf. I had to do something to actually keep myself focused on something other than the fact I cannot keep a stead and stable relationship going. I needed to do something other than cry which is all I have been doing.

It was decent meatloaf, and I hate meatloaf...Ina helped. Her food always looks so intense. This was not. They were simply mini meatloaves. It did not turn out like a meat-brick and it was not super dry but a bit juicy. The onions were a bit crunchy they could have had a bit more time to actually cook and perhaps a bit more salt. Plus there was no one to actually cook them for, so really now I have like 3 mini meatloaves and not a single soul to eat them.

I guess I am doing this because aside from just being me there really must be something wrong with me. I am not good enough. I do not have what it takes to be that perfect girlfriend that every guy out there wants. All they all have ever said to me is you make a great friend, but I just don't see a future with you. So really what else can there be other than just learning how I can cook better...Since I am on hunger strike it will a lot of food going to waste, but hey who the hell cares.(My roommate is a vegetarian).

I guess I am just giving up on me. I am giving up on love. I am just giving up. Why am I bothering anymore. What is the point. I quit smoking but really what was the point. He asks me why I couldn't have done that while we were together, well I was doing it while we were together it just takes time...it takes time and focus and help...the shitty thing is I have help from people now but it is the same as always, I thank them and it is cool...but I miss his help. I just wish I knew what was so wrong with me.