It feels like it has been 364 years. Each of these 364 days have seemed like the longest and shortest of my life. Some Flew by while others just drug on.
Tomorrow marks the day of my birth, woo... I really have good birthdays, but usually they are followed by some traumatic event or something silly that ends up hurting my sprit in someway so pretty much I really never look forward to my birthday. I do look forward to the reflection of the past 364 days. This past year has been some serious ups and serious downs.
Lets start with the downs to get them out of the way! I had my heart shattered by a boy who I thought was it because he "was trying" pretending to me that he was in love with me that I was it for him making me believe this was it. Shortly after that my sister gets engaged and married. My grandfather dies, and no matter how much I wanted to be there I could not be, because of stupid work and school. I get fired from a job I somewhat enjoyed, by a woman who could barely love herself she takes it out on everyone around her and did it just to make an example out of me.
Now the ups. I lost fifty pounds with no secret diet or wonder magic pills or anything at all. I just did it. I met and reconnected with some amazing people. I also have some focus on what I am doing now as opposed to just doing and floating though life. Oh and I am going to London, something I have dreamed about since I was like 10. So yay. Happy birthday to me.
I know the ups of my life are smaller than the downs, but when you examine the downs closer they are actually bigger ups than downs. I can see I am way better off without the boy, it would of ended anyways on my part, or I would of ended up miserable. To no avail and this is always the kicker, It never fails, most who reject me tend to wake up and see it was their loss and they fucked up. Usually by that time it is to late and my feelings for them are gone. I will never understand that one as long as I live. I will maybe see that answer when I die. I am not smiling, about it I just always wonder about the irony behind it. Boys are just not right for me and pretty much are just things to look at. When the right one comes along then he will want to be there and join me on our journey.
My grandfather was sick and it was time. It was not right for him, it was time to go. He needed to go. I wish it could have been sooner. It was just sad that is all.
The job thing sucked because I loved the people I worked with and I really just wanted to be around the customers. I really truly loved bringing happiness to people days and I know I did. It was something of a push though because I know that now I have to move on and get away. I was also miserable, I had no life and getting up at 4 am was not fun. Plus I feed off the energy of people and when they are in a bad mood they move to the dark side. I felt like Luke fighting Darth Vader and the Emperor everyday, and when you have to stand up to why someone doesn't like you for you then well who cares, I just literally gave up.
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